Tossing Batting practice…while disappointed I can’t find an I hate Danny Ainge t-shirt circa Detroit 1987 on ebay anywhere. Come old Pistons fans, I’d pay dearly for one.

Looking on the bright side...At least I won’t have any additions to my Celtics Dynasty box set any time soon, that awkward sixth movie has ruined by Rocky 25th anniversary collection…

For those of you who hang around with me on a regular basis, you’ve no doubt seen the Boston Celtics 1986 World Champions hat I’ve worn for the better part of the last 15 months.
It’s been worn somewhat out of protest for the collapse of this proud franchise, but also because it was comfortable.
Even though I was four that was a team I feel like I knew inside and out thanks to Dad’s affiliation with the team. I’ve love the Celtics unconditionally, and to a greater degree the game of basketball.
It’s been a friend, confidant, and companion for most of my (sad?) life. But tonight I am taking her to counseling, in the hopes they’ll realize I’m serious.
My steak was burned, and laundry left undone for the final time. I’ve had enough, there need to be some serious changes made to this relationship, or I’m going to stick with the younger models full time.
Because the best part about college basketball is that the older we get they stay the same age. (whoa, my bad, that sounded less offensive in my head).

The “lottery” is history, and while I consider David Stern to be the Dean Wormer of the NBA, I won’t argue with what happened, it’s over, it sucks but hey the Celtics may be a better constructed team with the addition of Corey Brewer as a perimeter defender.
My problems and issues are with the game itself, and the product. It’s been going steadily downhill since the 80s. She’s put on a little weight, got a bit of a mean streak and generally has had an F-you attitude to me (your hardcore fan) while trying to impress the public en masse.
So while we’re six months from Festivus, I am airing the grievances, because I got a lot of problems with you people and now you’re gonna hear about them.

Speed the game up, as I have mentioned each of the last three weeks here, I am not a fan of the advent of three hour basketball. It is slowly killing the sport. As a fan I can appreciate a grind it out halfcourt game as much as an up and down affair, but I am not going to dedicate three hours of my night to it.
The league has been fighting the notion you only need to see the last few minutes, but lately I’d have to agree, except that those last few minutes have taken place much to late for even me to care what happens.
My first solution is only allow one full and one 20 second time out for the first half, and three full for the second.
Phil Jackson gets criticized for not calling timeouts to stop runs, but honestly they’re the best players in the world, I’d like to see them correct things without the aid of timeouts. Do coaches really need the private huddle to yell at their players? or devise some grand new scheme nobody has ever seen in this modern world of advanced video scouting?
Nowadays a 6-0 run warrants a stoppage of play, couple that with two television timeouts and there really is no need for so many stops.
I’d love to see a total of three full and a 20 for the game, but that’s probably pushing it.

Next, I want to change the free throws on team fouls to six a side, instead of five. Keep the rule about the last two minutes, but bump that up to more than two, maybe even three. I’d also be in favor of eliminating shooting fouls from the total number of team fouls.
Also on the subject of fouls I’d like the eliminate the subjectiveness of flagrant fouls. There needs to be a toughness to this game. I’d rather see someone get fouled hard, and a retaliatory foul later on than a brawl. There needs to be a little vigilante justice done within the game, and not in an all out brawl. Now everybody is a tough guy from the hood with their boys backing them up. A little retaliation and nastiness never hurt a series, and if it keeps the fists down then all the better. Being able to clothesline a showboater might help the league in the long run. Like baseball the threat of ebing hit by a pitch keeps things in line a bit.
The issue with fouls leads me to the next point.

The Officiating in this league needs to be fixed, for those of you who don’t know I’m a high school official it’s a difficult job and I respect what they do, but it’s been atrocious for years now.
There are a lot of bad refs in all levels, (I’m probably one of them) but there is nothing worse than one with an attitude, and there are far too many on the NBA level now with a Napoleon complex. Every game is reffed different, but now it fluctuates like a heart monitor.
How does Lebron not shoot a single free throw in a Conference Final game? Yet watch another game, and you’ll see everything between the hash marks. There has to be a happy middle ground, though I blame many of the coaches for this as well in their defense at all costs beliefs, that include fouling on every play.

End the music during games. I know the league wants to cater to the average person, who is probably dumber than a rock and impressed by loud noise and tee shirts being fired into the stands, but I do not want to hear any more artificial noise in an arena.
If the fans, suck and don’t know when to cheer that’s their fault, no more alternating between hip hop and techno.
If I want that I’ll go to the Gypsy Bar, or hit up Landsdowne street, at least the beer is cheaper and the women are prettier (I still love you Celtics Cheerleaders, but I can’t afford good enough seats for an exceptional view).
Organ music should be the only acceptable music at any non football sporting event.

Create illegal offense. This needs a little tweaking, but I’m just coming up with a premise.
I don’t want to see any more isolation with one guy, while four others stand around on the weak side. There should always be two guys on the strong side, or two guys below the foul line and inside the arc when the shot clock gets under 14. It will promote a bit more flow to the game.
I’d also love to add a 4 second count. If there’s a 24 second shot clock, and an 8 second count in the backcourt it should stand to reason that a standard 5 count can’t be slashed by one second, and then actually enforced.
I hate watching Lebron play because he just stands there forever trying to decide what to do with the ball.
Four seconds is still a long time, and it would promote more ball movement on offense, and better defense, because there’d be a reason to closely guard someone with the ball.

Screw the lottery system, or at the very least let’s only involve the five worst teams. I know it sounds like Sour Grapes tonight, but quite frankly the worst teams should be rewarded. Tanking is somewhat of an issue, but superstars shut it down in baseball and football before the year is over, and it happens in the NBA too. It’s tough to tank a whole season, and to be honest you aren’t going to see guys at the end of the bench trying to lose, they’re trying to earn a spot in the league.

This last one is the most important…fix the Salary Cap.
I don’t get it, don’t care to try. But the fact is unless you draft an Oden or Durant you can’t become instantly viable as a franchise, and even then you can have an Arenas, and be unable to do a damn thing with it because you’re so hamstrung with the salary cap.
First off eliminate guaranteed contracts. Pipe dream I know, but this is my hope. I’d also like to see more trades and free agent movement. If we can’t get rid of guaranteed deals, then nothing longer than 3-4 years. There are too many bad contracts that ruin teams, and force them to make trades such as the wonderful move that brought us Bassy.
I want to see player movement, and have hope my team can be upgraded, dump salary, or pick up another draft pick at the midway point. Who makes what shouldn’t be an issue, or at least not so much of one that it completely handcuffs
The NBA has become like a bad fantasy league where the games are played through but nobody really makes any trades, and there is nothing you can find on the waiver wire that can upgrade your team, so you play out the string, try to get lucky and finish in the money in the playoffs, or you get eliminated and root for or against your friends. What’s the fun in it?
The only way you can upgrade your team is through the draft because free agency is virtually nonexistent, at least for a few low level guys who cash in on insane deals. If the numerical combinations, because it’s technically not ping-pong balls, don’t bounce your way then you’re screwed. Then you start wondering why you pay the huge entry fee for the league when it’s really not all that interesting other than an excuse for the wives for you to get together with your friends and drink beer.
As me and some of my older friends discovered this year, we can tell them we’re going to the game, and just go to a bar and drink beer instead, just make sure you check the score at the end of the night.



One last addition, for personal sake hope for David Stern to die…slowly and painfully. As long as he’s alive the Celtics are destined to suck, he probably hand delivered the cocaine to Len Bias himself.
I’d enjoy that little smirk of his to be wiped of as some sort of blunt object is either beating or stabbing him.